My Rap Sheet

GenerationNext99
Hey. Hazim here...again. My French teacher and her family are so perfect-it makes me gag. They're like a deformed Brady Bunch. They're always smiling at each other and sayin stuff like "I believe you can do it" straight out of a Celine Dion song. I went 2 see her. I'll be doing the six levels of French 2 get my international certificate that says I can professionally converse in French. All the while I'm thinking-why the hell did I pick French? It's so damn hard. Pourquoi? Je Ne Sais Pas.
Anyways, I was watching MTV and hip hop seems 2 be dominating the pop charts nowadays. The good ones, in my opinion (Kanye West, JayZ, Camron, Jelz Santana, Eminem, Young Jeezy) are the kind of rappers where u recognize their style, their flow, their ....whatever immediately when u hear them on the radio. The bad ones (Bowow, Bowow, and Bowow) try 2 copy the big boys, but end up falling flat on their faces. True, all Kanye seems 2 do is borrow samples from toher songs like Ray Charles and Chaka Khan, but at least he can build a big fat chart topper around it and make the critics happy (he's nominated 4 8 Grammys). Bowow goes on all out bragfests, but it's more like a tiger cub frontin with a Tiger.
Hip Hop and rap songs r great ways 2 get people moving at a party, but they all sound so alike. Here's a few easy steps 2 construct your own Hip Hop Billboard Chart Topping single.
1: Ask Kanye 2 be your producer
2: Ask JayZ to endorse you.
3: Find a booty shaking metaphor like "Tootsie Rolls" or "Cinanamon Buns"
4: Sample some old hit, so it shows that u dug deep in music's roots 2 come up with your hit.
5: Rap bout girls or cash or cars or all three and wrap it around the sample music.
6: Shoot a video with girls or cash or cars or all three and wrap it around a club scene where it looks like you're the pimp.
7: Get shot nine times, diss Lil Kim, or start your own energizing drink.
8: Don't say the word "bling". It's so 2005.
9: When u get your 15 seconds of fame, name drop me (Hazim), so I can cash in on the endorsement and write a best-selling self-help book.

Anyways, rap doesn't always have to be bout partyin. I like Young Jeezy and Clipse cos they're cold. Their happy faces are like 50 Cent's gangsta face. Imagine 50 Cent's son (he has a son by the way) at school and all the kids go up 2 him and say "Way Cool! Your dad's been shot nine times!". Then it's high school and college and they wanna see if he's tough like his dad. Then when he's trynna live his life and handle his job and family matters, he gets embarassed cos by then, 50 Cent would be 50 years old and well...Remember Vanilla Ice? Anyone who's gonna follow the instructions above should check out these lyrics from a typical rap party tune. It's from Bowow by the way. Again, he's like a rapping Hilary Duff wearing gangsta's clothing. No talent. My friend adores him though. She thinks she's cute. When she said that I wasn't so sure I was alive anymore.
Make girls fall out
Lose they mind
Girl fighting over me like Brooke Valentine (Ha, ha)
I Been known get down and do my thing
Got women over 35
Screamin my name (Bow Wow)
Flow so insane
Everytime I drop
Makin hits after hits
No
I won't stop (naw)
Lil Kids to adults
Rappin my songs
If you though JD wrote this
You wrong (it's me)
If you ask me how i'm livin
I'll tell you I'm great
Money stacks taller than the impire state (damn)
Hottest thing since the LL and Kool Moe beef
You can line them guys up
But I put em to sleep (that's right)
I'm the B-O-W (Who?)
W-Oooo-W
And these cats know how it go
Since 13 I been known for bumpin out that steam
Ain't nuthin changed homeboy
I'm still bringin the heat

[Chorus 2x]
And I got a
Pocket full of dough
Sold out shows
Steppin out the Phantom
Wit the suicide do's
Yeahhh (I'm Booooow)
I'm the B-O-W
W-O-W
(Wow)
Said

[Verse 2]
I'm known as the low key don
Get up out the stores like Pokemon
Did (ha, ha)
I ain't impressed by thes tuff that yall did
I'm way beyond it (uh huh)
I'm in the Phantom
Hop out handsome
Can't nobody do it like my grandmama grandson (naw)
Rock shades and some Bathing Apes
New cars everytime they changin shapes
I had cake before
I got alot more
Way before I did the first scream tour (damn)
Whole crowd roar
Whole team soar
Bring it up the back and my whole team score (that's right)
Might scoop shorty take her wit me to the mall
Spend a few g's
Show her how a player ball (oww)
Hit her later show her how a player call
I got it on smash I ain't worried
Cuz I got a

[Chorus]

[Outro 2x]
All my people on the left
All my people on the right
All my people in the middle
Up top
Say
Booooooooooooow Wooooooooooooooow