new tracks up this week: Fujiya & Miyagi go all Kylie and Eminem returns (do YOU care?)

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. It's a Selamat Hari Raya to you too! Feels weird cus it's supposed to feel celebratory and everything, but I just kinda stayed at home. family ties are on the verge of collapsing, so my mother won't call her sister up and my aunts are bickering with each other chickens in a cage. Sigh....the holidays. But to cheer myself up I took a listen to a few new tracks this week, namely Eminem's new one, which has leaked...and sucks. And Justice (whoo!) and my gal Sophie EllisBextor. Let's go...

SONG: "Sex Ads"

ARTIST: Cold Cave

RATING: OOO
New arrivals on the music scene, Cold Cave serve up fuzzy wuzzy grizzly electronica rock infused with lyrical goodness. It opens with something that sounds like a transistor radio out of tune and you can barely make out the vocals, but once you accept that that's all part of the learning experience and that this song would be great remixed by Justice (who have a similar song called "Waters Of Nazareth") and spun at a rave, you kinda get into it. They'd be pretty terrible live playing "Sex Ads" though. Cold Cave. Band to watch out for...not watch live. Haha...Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Number One"

ARTIST: Eminem

RATING: OO
Mr. Marshall has had an impressive career earning Grammys and credibility with self-empowerment anthems ("Lose Yourself" "Sing For The Moment"), sad laments ("Stan"), and mostly anger fueled joints imed at either Kim or his mother. Lately though, he's been hiding (kinda) Well, this song I don't think it'll get him back on top). It just drones on and on with Eminem throwing out lines that even Nick Cannon would reject. And that's saying something. Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Sore Thumb"

ARTIST: Fujiya & Miyagi

RATING: OOOO
Their track "Knickerbocker" should be a contender for song of the year. This is another winning single from their album Lightbulbs which has got them smarter, sharper, and funkier. "Sore Thumb" starts off slow-ish...you know what? this track totally reminds me of Kylie Minogue's "Love At First Sight", slow pulsating, and the video bits where they've got the black and white third grade geometry inspired background is reminiscent of Kylie's video as well. I will admit, though, as sexy as the track sounded when I first heard it, it's much less sexy now that I've seeen the video. listen to it HERE
SONG: "Planisphere Final"

ARTIST: Justice

RATING: OOO
Everyone knows "D.A.N.C.E" the genius of a dance pop number bu Justice, even if they don't know the band who made it. And the video's idea for it was copped for Kanye West's "The Good Life", further proof the dude isn't so original. Here they are with a cut that did not make it for the Dior Homme 2009 Fashion Show (the other parts of Planisphere made it). As jumpy and jittery the other parts are, they are nothing compared to this blast of a piece. The track starts off like the beginning to an old Chinese drama..haha...but then it gets its beat thumping after a minute and a half. They've got a documentary called A Cross The World out which you should check, as well as this pulsating Western-soundtrack sounding number. Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer"

ARTIST: Sophie Ellis Bextor

RATING: OOOO
Her fantastic third album Trip The Light Fantastic got much love and praise from critics but didn't really garner Sophie Ellis Bextor any new fans, judging from its poor showing on the charts. The next album should see her attempting the same commercial success her first and vapid second album achieved in the UK. This track, apparently, is NOT going to even be on that album albeit initial speculation that it would. The first single will be called "Sophia Loren" and my excitement for it is just BIG. But this song called "Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer" returns her to her basic dance throb roots of her first album a la "Murder On The Dance Floor". That's not a bad thing. It's pretty amazing in fact because from the first line, you can easily detect her British accent and from then on, you're lost in the Sophie Disco. Listen to it HERE

secret revealed: the new britney spears is the old birtney spears!

SONG: "Circus"
ARTIST: Britney Spears
RATING: OOO1/2
hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. Here's a secret revealed about Britney Spears' miraculous comeback, with her "Womanizer" song hitting the number one spot and her album slotted to become her next number one album after selling like 200,000 copies in its first day. She's really...the old Britney from the past time traveling to her future, which is our present! Last year, she looked like the White Queen of trailer trash. This year, she's back to eing the hot girl we saw in the "I'm A Slave 4 U" music video. The secret? Time travel! Yeps. Her new single "Circus" just released has her being all sexy again, from wearing an almost barely there nipple covering black lace bra thingy to giving her trademark come hither glare...it's not as hot as "Womanizer", but Circus is decent enough pop, and catchy enough, to cement her status as the heir to Madonna's derailed throne. And the best part of the music video? The very end when Britney in a sultry sequinned outfit flips her tophat and giggles at the camera. Maybe she IS sane after all...Hazim. Out.

lily allen's phobia which i'm sure everyone can relate to...rolls eyes

SONG: "The Fear"
ARTIST: Lily Allen
RATING: OOO1/2
hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. Aaaaah! I heart Lily Allen so much it hurts! She's got plenty of snark, snide, and smarts to offer up in her debut album Alright, Still which spawned the ex-boyfriend bashing "Smile", the sunny but devious undertoned "LDN" and the hilarious "Alfie". This track from her upcoming album is another slice of poppy preppy goodness from a girl who does sly and cunning better than Katy Perry. This song's called "The Fear" and uh...it's about her phobia of fame and the fakeness it embodies. Song's catchy enough. But I doubt everyone can relate to having lots of diamonds and being scared of being famous (especially all those unknown myspace bands so desperate to be famous). Fame is something today's teenagers are dying to achieve. So to admit to being scared of it when you already have it is very umm...weird. But I like it. So go Lily! LOL. Hazim. Out.

hey hazim here...it's my birthday!

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. It's my birthday! I turn 20 by the way. Feeling a little old actually. Scared to get a duble chin and experience menopause. Ick. Gerascophobia's getting to me. LOL. I'll have a good birthday hopefully yeah? Hazim. Out.

album reviewed: britney spears' bland blender

ARTIST: Britney Spears
ALBUM: Circus
RATING: OO1/2
hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. Noone's had more coverage on ET than Miss Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, the ex-Mrs. Federline releases her sixth studio album , a year after her breakthrough Blackout last year, in an attempt to salvage her image and career.
WHAT'S GOOD: While Blackout was a darker edgier album, Circus strives to be its happier bouncy counterpart, playing on Britney's coyness and whatever is left of her sexiness. This works on album highlight and first single "Womanizer" where repeating the chorus (Womanizer Womanizer Womanizer) again and again like a broken record (what's that to us nowadays? lol) proves to be annoyingly catchy. Britney's at her best being playful with her sexuality as on "Circus" and "Radar" (actually carried over from her last album), not when she's declaring it as on the stupid "Mmm Papi" or the even stupider "If You Seek Amy" which apparently, if you say it fast, sounds like "F-U-C-K Me". How clever. But her personality and self-awareness is most evident and best put to use on the sultry "Blur" which is, despite "Piece of Me", her most autobiographical song to date. It's about waking up not remembering what you did last night, but you what she did. Naughty girl.
WHAT'S NOT SO GOOD: Britney can't sing a note in tune to save her life. And this is way too evident on "My Baby" a song dedicated to her sons. The song is like an untrained dog in your house. Cute but gross. Ballads aren't really her thing, because as sincere the lyrics may be, there's no denying Britney has probably lost touch with what's real and what's tabloid fodder. And you want it to get out. Another major weakness is that the production here feels more like her third self titled album Britney, which has her testing the waters again with the sexy songs. "Shattered Glass" would have been fine in 2001, but now it just feels outdated.
SOOOO0....: Although Miss Spears has had a great comeback so far (her first number one in 10 years with "Womanizer" and three moonmen plus other awards), there's nothing that comes close to an artistic progression here. There are moments when she steps out a bit such as on "Blur" or "Amnesia" (which is not on the US version, and you wish she'd push it a little further. But for the most part, this is safer territory than Dido's latest album. And that's saying something.
Overall, it's good for Britney to try to get her act together and all, but self-aware this album is not. Britney's life may be a circus but she isn't the ringmaster.
THERE'S THIS SONG I LIKE: "Womanizer" "Blur" "Amnesia"
ARTIST WEBSITE: Britney Spears

pink gets sober, has sex with herself

SONG: "Sober"

ARTIST: Pink
RATING: OOO

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. I didn't like Pink's "So What" so much, even though the charts were very kind to her (her very first number one hit in the US and another one for her in the UK). And the album Funhouse is neither different than her last album nor very fun. Most of the songs deal with her split from her ex-husband Carey Heart (who has cool hair by the way). Wearing her heart on her sleeve again, she dishes on being sober called..."Sober". The song is a solid piece of pop. Nothing special. Nothing unique. Then it should do well on the charts, no? The video, though, is something special. Shot in Stockholm, Sweden, the scenario has Pink in a Gwen Stefani get up in an all white room and Pink on a hotel bed in fishnets HAVING SEX WITH HERSELF. Yes. I kept rewinding back to the part where she gropes her own ass. And if you want to see two Pinks kissing, then this is the video for you. This should have been the video to "I Kissed A girl" which didn't have any girls actually kissing. Blah. hazim. Out.

backtrack: the 101 most awesomest songs of 2006!

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again.2008 is almost over and I'm still a virgin. Rihanna is still on the charts. And love is still good. Here's a past look at 2006. Because I wrote this with the intention of posting it here on my blog but it never saw the light of day until now. So here are 2006's finest singles lined up just for you. Grab a tissue. Nostalgia's sad when it hits...

1:Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland-Promiscuous//Loose
The duo deemed it “the blackberry song”. The back and forth tag team talk-singing and the Prince-era sepia-toned chorus turned Nelly Furtado’s first number single of her into a massive worldwide number one hit. Featuring Timbaland's best vocals to date (although that's not saying much) coupled with Nelly's flirtatious delivery propeles this to the very top of 2006's best of list. Mine, that is.

2:be Your Own Pet-Fire Department//be Your Own Pet
How to compete with the indie underground scene overkill? Just do everything faster. Buzzcock guitars with more bite and the band tumble over themselves. Lead singer Jemina Pearl yelps and howls like she’s throwing a tantrum, making being young sound messily fun.

3:Faithless feat. Robert Smith-Spiders, Crocodiles, and Kryptonite//To All New Arrivals
Okay, the new album bombed (the last one reached number one) but this band has smarts. Sampling The Cure’s “Lullaby”, one of my favorite Cure songs (!), Rollo and the band plod on painting an eerie landscape with Robert Smith’s voice as the perfect backdrop. Thanks to this, you can dance to Robert Smith’s voice again. One of the most hypnotic songs to come since Portishead’s “Linger”

4:The Arctic Monkeys-I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor//Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
2006’s best breakout band built massive buzz from Myspace profiles and word-of-mouth. Then they conquered the UK charts, then the rest of Europe, and then America followed suit. It was all thanks to this guitar crunch fest. Alex Turner spits out sharp lyrics with that unmistakable accent and the guitars go whoosh. Who says you can’t trust the internet?

5:Gnarls Barkley-Crazy//St.Elsewhere
The most covered song of the year had Nelly Furtado, Charlotte Church, The Raconteurs, Cat Power, and even Paris Hilton trying to imitate Cee-Lo’s rich voice. Stepping up to the plate to shun Al Green and coming up with an instant classic, perfect melody and all, despite the theme of suicidal tendency.

6:Muse-Supermassive Black Hole//Black Holes And Revelations
Matthew Bellamy makes a big fat deal out of almost anything and blows it up making it all seem grandiose. Making like Jake Shears leading The Darkness into battle, the band sound utterly ginormous. And when he coos “Ooh baby, I’m a fool for you,” you either flutter or you cringe. I fluttered.

7:Goldfrapp-Ooh La La//Supernature
Kylie Minogue may be healthy again but if she ever makes a sweaty, pulsating “vibe-on” song like this one, call me. The 60s vamp is sexy, outrageously catchy, and if this dance floor Goldfrapp masterpiece doesn’t turn you on then you must be a corpse.

8:Justin Timberlake feat. TI-My Love//Future Sex/Love Sounds
At first, I was like ‘what’s so damn hot about this song?’. I was a Justin-hater. To me, he’s just a young buck prancing around in beats laid out for him so he can imitate Prince or MJ or whomever he feels like mimicking (Freddie Mercury’s next…or maybe Grace Jones if we’re lucky), but this grew on me, making me like it better than ‘Sexyback’ and I even almost bought a legal copy of Future Sex/Love Sounds. I think it’s the way this song latches itself onto radio, with TI’s verses, JT’s high pitched crooning, and the synthesizers. Not sure I’ll ever really like him, but this track’s the shiznits for me

9:The Killers-When You Were Young//Sam’s Town
Big ego. Check. Newly found love for facial hair. Check. Despite a messiah complex, Brandon Flowers and his band make like America’s U2. The CD was The Joshua Tree reborn as American and this stormy epic-sounding drama infested single led the way.

10:Camille-Vous//Le Fil
Tony Blair name dropped in a French song? Well, it’s not him singing but hearing a genius French kook shriek and coo a l Francaise name checking the British dude is pretty sweet. It’s only a little over a minute and a half long but this form of Global cool tugs at your brain and lingers. Perfect pop delivered in Bjork style vocals topped off with a catchy melody. Globalization isn’t the same thing as Americanization ya know…

11:Regina Spektor-Fidelity// Begins To Hope

12:My Chemical Romance-Welcome To The Black Parade// The Black Parade

13:TI-What You Know// King

14:Flyleaf-So I Thought// Flyleaf

15:Lily Allen-Smile// Alright,Still

16:Pet Shop Boys-I’m With Stupid// Fundamental

17:Hot Chip-Over And Over// The Warning

18:Clipse feat. Pharell-Mr.Me Too// Hell Hath No Fury

19:Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Cheated Hearts// Show Your Bones

20:Imogen heap-Headlock// Headlock

21:Band Of Horses-The Funeral// Everything All The Time

22:TV On The Radio-Wolf Like Me// Return To Cookie Mountain

23:Christian Falk feat. Robyn & Ola Salo-Dream On// People Say

24:Nelly Furtado-Maneater// Loose

25:Corinne Bailey Rae-Put Your Records On// Corinne Bailey Rae

26:Aly & AJ-The Rush// Into The Rush

27:Chamellionaire feat. Krayzie Bone-Ridin// Ultimate Victory

28:Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars// Eyes Open

29:Cassie-Me & U// Cassie

30:Scissor Sisters-I Don’t Feel Like Dancin// Ta-Da

31:Cat Power-The Greatest// The Greatest

32:Neko Case-Dirty Knife// Fox Confessor Brings The Flood

33:Prince-Black Sweat// 3121

34:Utada Hikaru-Keep Tryin// Ultra Blue

35:Basement Jaxx feat. Robyn-Hey U// Crazy Itch Radio

36:Beyonce-Irreplaceable// B’Day

37:Liars-Let’s Not Wrestle Mt.Heart Attack// Drum’s Not Dead

38:The Killers-Read My Mind// Sam’s Town

39:be Your Own Pet-Adventure// be Your Own Pet

40:Oneida-Up With People// Happy New Year

41:be Your Own Pet-Take That Walk// be Your Own Pet

42:The Rapture-Whoo! Alright-Yeah…Uhuh// Pieces Of The People We Love

43:Damien Rice-9 Crimes// 9

44:Panic! At The Disco-I Write Sins Not Tragedies// A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out

45:Christina Aguilera-Ain’t No Other Man// Back To Basics

46:The Vines-Don’t Listen To The Radio// Vision Valley

47:India.Arie feat. Akon-I Am Not My Hair// Testimony Volume 1:Life And Relationship

48:Taking Back Sunday-Makedamnsure// Louder Now

49:The Decemberists-Summersong// The Crane Wife

50:Mary J. Blige- Be Without You// The Breakthrough

51:John Legend-Save Room// Once Again

52:Phoenix-Long Distance Calls// It’s Never Been Like That

53:Nelly Furtado-Say It Right// Loose

54:The Fratellis-Chelsea Dagger// Costello Music

55:Faithless-Bombs// To All New Arrivals

56:Rihanna-SOS(Rescue Me)// A Girl Like Me

57:Justice-Waters Of Nazareth// Waters Of Nazareth

58:Kelis feat. Too $hort-Bossy// Kelis Was Here

59:Ghostface Killah feat. Trife-Be Easy// Fishscale

60:Fergie-London Bridge// The Dutchess

61:Cherish feat. Sean Paul-Do It To It// Unappreciated

62:Dashboard Confessional-Stolen// Dusk & Summer

63:The Rakes-Strasbourg//Capture// Release

64:Ane Brun feat. Ron Sexsmith-Song No.6// A Temporary Dive

65:Carrie Underwood-Before He Cheats// Some Hearts

66:Todd Snider-You Got Away With It// The Devil You Know

67:All Saints-Rock Steady// Studio 1

68:Dixie Chicks-The Long Way Around// Taking The Long Way

69:The Feeling-Sewn// Twelve Stops And Home

70:The Shins-Phantom Limb// Wincing The Night Away

71:Wolfmother-Dimension// Wolfmother

72:The Hold Steady-Stuck Between Stations// Boys And Girls Of America

73:P!nk-U + Ur Hand// I’m Not Dead

74:Lupe Fiasco-Kick, Push// Food & Liquor

75:Nellie McKay-Cupcake// Pretty Little Head

76:Thom Yorke-Black Swan// The Eraser

77:Kleerup feat. Robyn-With Every Heartbeat// 12

78:The Cardigans-Don’t Blame Your Daughter (Diamonds)// Super Extra Gravity

79:People In Planes-If You Talk Too Much// The New Wave

80:Amerie-Take Control//Because I Love It

81:Mew-The Zookeeper’s Boy// And The Glass Handed Kites

82:Cold War Kids-Hang Me Up To Dry// Cold War Kids

83:The Strokes-You Only Live Once// First Impressions Of Earth

84:Beyonce-Ring The Alarm// B’Day

85:Oxford Collapse-Please Visit Your National Parks// Remember The Night Parties

86:Amy Winehouse-Rehab// Back To Black

87:Keane-Is It Any Wonder// Under The Iron Sea

88:Fort Minor feat. Holly Brook-Where’d You Go// Rising Tide

89:Asobi Seksu-Thursday// Citrus

90:Jenny Lewis feat. The Watson Twins-Rise Up With Fists!!// Rabbit Fur Coat

91:The Good, The Bad, And The Queen-80s Life// The Good, The Bad, And The Queen

92:Figurines-The Wonder// Skeletons

93:Fefe Dobson-Don’t Let It Go To Your Head// Sunday Love

94:Built To Spill-Goin Against Your Mind// You In Reverse

95:Cam’Ron-Weekend Girls// Bad Guys 14 (mixtape)

96:Jamelia-Beware Of The Dog// Walk With Me

97:The Pussycat Dolls feat will.i.am-Beep// PCD

98:My Robot Friend feat. Antony-One More Try// Faster Kill

99:YoLa Tango-Beanbag Chair// I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass

100:The Fray-Over My Head (Cable Car)// How To Save A Life

new tracks up this week: The Veronicas get horny and Franz Ferdinand get funkier (if that's possible)!

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. What? It's two days to my birthday! Haha...I can wait honestly. Cus then I'll feel all old and farty. But anyhow, here's what I think of some tracks I've listened to for the first time this week.
SONG: "Untouched"

ARTIST: The Veronicas

RATING: OOO
"4Ever" was great pop rock, and these Australian pop star TWINS (that's right...TWINS!) are pretty good songwriters. They know teenage angst and love problems, and write them better than that Taylor Swift does. They've gone all electro-poppy for their second album Hook Me Up (same thing Hilary Duff and Ashlee Simpson tried the same thing to no success), but this violin -infused techno teen pop number has them all horny and in heat, whereas Duff and Simpson often sounded flat with no voice top carry it. I don't know whether this will finally give The Veronicas success on the US charts (If "4Ever" didn't make it, what else can?) but this is pretty good! Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Ulysses"

ARTIST: Franz Ferdinand

RATING: OOOO1/2
"Take Me Out" must be very frustrating for Franz Ferdinand. It set the standard for bands trying to get funky and they themselves have been trying to top it ever since. Their last album was merely a continuation of their first, but this song promises some real progression. And if possible, Alex Kapranos gets even funkier, whispering come ons in the beginning, inviting you to "get high" as his band offer up trippy guitars and drums in the vein of Spoon. Turn your camera on and go Ga-Ga-Ga. Cus it's.The. Best Scottish Quartet. Everrrrr. Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Rain On Your Parade"

ARTIST: Duffy

RATING: OOO1/2
I guess she thought "Warwick Avenue" was such a great single (it is, but very slow...) so Duffy decided to release "Stepping Stone", another slow burner, which flows like molasses on BBQ sauce. In other words, really slow and really boring. But "Rain On Your Parade" might just return her to "Mercy" glory. I certainly prefer this over to Mercy. The stomping go/break beat contrasts nicely with her shrill drill of a voice. And she's got a unique way of pronouncing her words unlike other foreign singers who depend on AutoTune to "correct" their accents. Best thing from wales since...I don't know. But check this. Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Hurtin' You"

ARTIST: Ben Kweller

RATING: OOO
I'm not a huge fan of him or anything but I guess Stereogum is. They've got a recent blog post about him recently. And I only have a couple of songs by him in my playlist. This, though, is pretty endearing stuff for a guy who's 27. It's pretty innocent sounding and pure, like baby seal's eyes. Listen to it HERE
SONG: "Brave Bulging Buoyant Clairvoyants"

ARTIST: Beasts

RATING: OOO1/2
Okay, the video's a rip off The Ting Ting's "Shut Up And Let Me Go" (about the only original thing they've ever done), but the song, rerecorded to better sit yours and my dancing needs. Hayden Thorpe sounds positively glowing here, like he's just won his first wet t-shirt contest. It's like Of Montreal's "ID Engager" actually but less epic. The vocals are hotter though. All that falsetto high pitched goodness makes me giddy too haha. Listen to it HERE

SONG: "Long Distance"

ARTIST: Brandy

RATING: O
First single off her new album "Right Here (Departed)" was a promising start. It showed Brandy leaving her R&B roots behind for a clearer pop sound. But this wannabe Celine Dion song about the difficulty of long distance relationships is just a big mess, one that Brandy's not so big voice (which isn't suited for ballads in the first place) just can't seem to overcome. Besides, the subject matter? KT Tunstall did it better with "Other Side Of The World". Listen to it HERE