[BLOG ENTRY 007] mind fucking my insecurities

[BLOG ENTRY 007] mind fucking my insecurities

February 13, 2011

Here’s how things go down every morning. I wake up. I rub my eyes. I yawn. I hobble over to the bathroom sink. I stare at the bathroom mirror. And then I cringe and look away. Sometimes I might even cover my own reflection with a piece of cloth or a towel. If I don’t, then there’s always that chance I’ll start picking apart at my face and my body. I think it’s normal though, right? To acknowledge your imperfections over and over again?

Well…I think Valentines should be more than just about loving your boyfriend and/or girlfriend. You should freakin’ love yourself! It’s really hard to do if you’re not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or Alex Pettyfer or Jennifer Lopez or Blake Lively or Tyra Banks or…you get it? Most of the world population don’t have access to top class trainers and the moolah to forge out to hack away that belly fat and salvage what’s left of your jawline.

My aim for this blog entry is a selfish one. I’ll pick apart the things I despise about myself, and I’ll attempt to either find a way to fix it to a standard I can be satisfied with or I’ll just settle for a little positive side to it. I use comparisons and examples of celebrities because the general consensus is that they are perfect and well..they’re not. But it doesn’t make them, and you and I, any less beautiful. Grab your mirror and your thick skin and follow me!

In a world where the white man reigns supreme, it’s hard enough trying to feel like you’re on par with them when you’re Asian, but when you’re slightly darker than the average Malay, it just feels like you’re always gonna be flailing in the lower tiers. Almost every single day of my school life in Malaysia, I was called ‘Nigger’, or ‘Negro’, ‘Black’ or something similar by other boys. I wasn’t the darkest by any means-there were dark skinned Indians-but I was a dark skinned Malay in a sea of tan Malay boys. Coupled with the fact I had to walk 30 minutes in the hot sun and/or pouring rain 5-6 days a week, living in my skin was the equivalent f having a KICK ME sign taped to your back.

MIND FUCK THIS INSECURITY: Take a look at this:

Yes, he’s got a ton of muscle, but he is a beautiful dark skinned man and there are shitloads of dark skinned beauties out there. Iman. MIA (Maya Arulpragasam). Keri Hilson. Rihanna. That Indian guy from Heroes. Maybe it’s part of the Malaysian mindset that dark is not beautiful? I do admit that the Islamic holy book portrays white skinned women as the ideal ‘beautiful’.

I’m not as dark as Iman or Shemar Moore but they are gorgeous and beautiful and inspire me. Being dark isn’t a bane to my existence if I can maintain a smooth and healthy looking complexion, without altering the color. I did use to think I’d need to bleach my skin or get melamine injections. Sunblock before you leave the house. Use umbrellas and hats. Moisturize. Exfoliate. And eat healthy. It sounds like something I got from Oprah, and it might be. The point is, dark skin can be beautiful. You do have to work extra hard to make it look good, but when you do, you’ll be reveling in your own chocolate love.

MINDFUCK IT. [http://www.goherbalremedies.com/blog/how-to-take-care-of-dark-complexion]

At 164 centimeters, or a little over 5 feet, I only need to be Irish to be a leprechaun (I already wear loads of green). I’m even too short to be an air steward. Not that I want to be, but still…it’d be nice to have that option available. I’ll always come across as a little boy to people who don’t know me. Adik. Adik. Adddddiiiikkkkk…that means ‘little brother/sister’ in Malay. It also means that being straight, girls will treat me like a sibling and being gay, I’d always be the ‘submissive’ one.

MINDFUCK THIS INSECURITY: Take a look at this:

Elijah Wood. Is hot. He is also short ladies and gentlemen. So are Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. And Eva Longoria. True, guys have it harder being short than girls but don’t you think Mr. Wood still gets his ‘wood’ on, maybe more than a lot of his taller Lord of the Ring costars?

Height is something you can’t really alter, although I think there is a painful sounding surgical procedure you can go through that involves your spinal chord…ouch. There are lots of ways to make yourself look taller. Don’t go overboard on prints. Wear vertical stripes. Girls have heels and even guys can wear those elevating giraffe shoes which are becoming a little fad 9there is a store for giraffe shoes in Berjaya Times Square). Posture is key. I used to to walk hunchbacked, so people thought I was shorter than the short I already was. Shorties can be sexy too!

MINDFUCK IT. [http://www.gainheight.com/look-taller.html]

A lot of Asians and Africans and South Americans are born with bulbous noses. Round and rotund. A nose job isn’t always an option. My own nose looks straight when I don’t smile, but as soon as I stretch my mouth for a grin, it becomes a silly putty homage to Mr. Potato.

MINDUFCK THIS INSECURITY: Take a look at this.

Yes. Rihanna’s nose isn’t the most bulbous, but it defies what we expect to think of when we think of attractive noses. And don’t deny it. Rihanna is sexy.

A nose job? Don’t. Unless you have done all the research possible and you’re willing to accept the consequences, as well as shoving out money for the operation and the maintenance. Then just love your nose. Take care of the skin on it. Keep the boogers out. There are some exercises you can do involving the bridge of your nose and your fingers that can narrow it slightly, and there’s always that injection I saw on Rachel Ray where they inject the bridge and the effects stay for several months. Hey, we can’t all be born with slender long noses. But don’t pull a Rudolph and make your nose the center of attention then. Make it work for your face. Make up for girls. Exercises for the rest. Start massaging your bridge today! Haha.

MINDFUCK IT. [http://www.wikihow.com/Slim-the-Nose]

A defined jawline and a healthy hairline are signs of youth. We haven’t found the fountain of youth yet, so we can’t avoid the eventual fading of the jawline and hairlines. There are ways to delay the process and tricks to cover it up. I used to like my jawline, but I have been losing it slightly, the sharp edges becoming blunt. I often get into panic mode when I think and worry about how my jaw will look at 30 years old at this rate.

MINDUFCK THIS INSECURITY: Take a look at this.

Yes, yes. Some hot celebrities don’t have jawlines or are losing them with age and some don’t have hair or much of it. There are facial exercises you can do for your jaw to shake off that double chin. Suck in your cheeks. Stretch out that tongue. They work if you’re persistent. It’s about dedication. And even if it does disappear and fade out, I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world. How much you want that jawline back drives how much you’ll work for it. As for the hairline? There’s always Yun Nam Haircare. It works.

MINDFUCK IT. [http://www.ehow.com/way_5375104_face-exercises-sharpen-jawline.html]

Are you fat? Are you too skinny? Do you hate David Beckham, Megan Fox, and Ryan Reynolds because of those abs, that butt, those thighs, those pecs and so on? I do. I used to be quite muscular but I have been losing weight, major MAJOR weight to the point my arms are quite skinny. I have been eating irregularly and the food I eat is packed with salt and preservatives. Sooo..the solution is simple right?

MINDFUCK THIS INSECURITY: Take a look at this.

Jennifer Hudson! You go, gorgeous girl! How stunning does she look? And it’s not through surgery either. There is a difference between obese and just having extra fat. There is a difference between being anorexic and just being on the skinny side. Check your BMI. Exercise goes a long way. And you don’t need a gym to do it. Jog or do something athletic and strenuous at least twice a week to hike up your metabolism rate slightly. Eat your breakfast. Don’t skip, but eat light dinners. Get enough sleep. Seriously, this has many solutions. People are just picky and they want everything fast. Click fingers. Ta-da…get off that sofa. Stop watching The Biggest Loser and join me for 3 laps at the very least. Fat or skinny. We want tone because it’s hot!

MINDFUCK IT. [http://www.xomba.com/how_tone_your_body_two_weeks]

There you go. There are more insecurities of course, and he ones I listed are the physical ones. But I will admit that when your physical side looks good, it definitely lifts your spirits and confidence up in ways even the happiest Glee episode can’t. We’re not robots. I’m not perfect and so aren’t you…unless Brad Pitt, are you reading this?

-Hazim Haemoglobin-

MOOD: loving myself!

TAGS: hazim haemoglobin, insecurities, loving yourself, celebrities

COMMENTS: [0] comments

bleh bleh

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. there is this eminent feeling inside of me waiting to come out. Barf. that's what it might be I think. I have been fasting for just fou days but I feel like everyday around 5 pm I am going to vomit everything I ate several hours earlier. This is so weird coming from someone who has been so used to fasting for 21 years of his life. Not all 21 years.
Barf. baf. barf. That's all i feel. i feel sick. You know why? It's the weight. The weight factor's going to drag me down. i was 63 kilograms before but now i am an insignificant 59 kilograms. That's like a featherweight. I remember when I was still taking karate, i was being categorized as above 60 kilograms when it came to sparring. Nowadays, with the irregular eating habits I've been stapled to, I think I might have to lose some weight this month. It's fine. But bulemia might take over. I just want to barf. Like all the time. Again. And again.
This is so weird. haha. Again. i am saying this like I am some sort of robot. This is so cool, but I can't fathom anything else happening to me.
Tomorrow I am going to ask sombody for money. Then I can finally eat properly instead of depending on people to cook for me and feed me. It just feels so desperate.

weirded out and bored stiff by the internet

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. I don't know why I suddenly post here after a big long fat hiatus, but I still feel like there's nothing much I can do online anymore. Last time, I was sooo active, what with myspace and facebook all hogging up my life time. Now, though, I'm bogged down by assignments and a messy personal life which gets messier with every phone call. Nothing will dampen my spirits though. I wioll try and post at least a couple times a week from now, though I'm not sure who would read after all the breaks but hey, I figured if I can get this thing back up and running, then I can use it to launch my book. Yeps. That's right. I am writing a book. I hope it does well. I just want my voice to be heard. It's a bit autobiorgaphical. It's about a werid boy with an imaginary friend. Haha. laugh. Laugh. Anyways, I will post something later when my mind stumbles across a half-decent idea. Promise. Buh-bye. hazim. Out.

hey hazim here: let's try this blogging thing again, shall we?

hazim and the new asymptotes

hey. hazim here...again after another long hiatus. Anyhow and ways, I've got a pretty steady internet connection and I need a diary where I can put whatever I want whenever I want into words, videos, and pictures. The answer's this blog which I've so long neglected. I used to have quite alot of daily visits from people back when I treated this as mostly a tabloid blog, then I just focused on music, and now, the focus is going to be me. The music'll still be there of course. Can't leave that alone but I need some space to strecth myself and there's plenty of room here whether there's anybody else in the same room as me or not. Hazim. Out.

album reviewed: black lips-200 million thousand

hazim and the new asymptotes
ARTIST: Black Lips
ALBUM: 200 Million Thousand
RATING: OOO
hey. hazim here...again. Black Lips are baaacck...and like a good old dependable fox hound, they're serving the same brand of rock, albeit messier and much more confident. It's almost the same affair as last time, but wait...there's a rap song! This from the band that got kicked out of India recently (pre-Slumdog Millionaire's Oscar win).
WHAT'S GOOD: "The Drop I Hold" holds the most stark contrast when compared to the rest of the album. It's got lead Cole Alexander half-singing, half-rapping drunk-like and droning. The track sounds like a lost Jurassic 5 song and as the album's most drastic turn of artistry, it's also the best moment. The rest of the album holds together like their last album did, lean, tight, and plays on like 5 am when the bar's closing and the guys have their arms on each other singing and swigging with a couplet of creative twists (the rap-infused "The Drop I Hold" and the super power catchy "Short Fuse") that leave you craving for more-beer and songcraft.
WHAT'S NOT SO GOOD: It's slightly irking that aside from the two mentioned tracks, there aren't any surprises and you'd do just as well, maybe better to just play their last album because songs like "Elijah" and "Body Combat" sound calculatedly sloppy and lazy. The album drags at the end, which at 14 tracks long, it's just a bit too much.
SOOOO0....: If you want to introduce yourselves to the "flower punk" that is Black Lips, don't start here. Trying to meet expectations, they stumble short. When they're at their best (as on their last studio album Good Bad Not Evil, they're captivating and friendly but when they're trying too hard, they're forgettable and serious. And with Black Lips, serious isn't fun.
THERE'S THIS SONG I LIKE: "The Drop I Hold" "Short Fuse"
DOWNLOAD LINK: Black Lips-200 Million Thousand

lady sovereign...half dwarf/half insecure intelligent imp?

SONG: "I Got You Dancing"

ARTIST: Lady Sovereign
RATING: OOO

SONG: "So Human"
ARTIST: Lady Sovereign
RATING: OO1/2
hazim and the new asymptotes

hey. hazim here...again. Lady Sovereign couldn't have had a slower climb to moderate success, taking 2-3 years to finally push out an album full of songs that hadn't managed to live past their buzz overdue date. But noone can deny that no female rapper and a lot of male rappers have her speedball slick sick flow. She jitters and padfoots with ease and speed even if the songs aren't spectacular. These two new tracks from her upcoming second album Jigsaw display Lady Sovereign's contrasting sides of her psyche. One's an eager smart mouthed warrior who just wants you to get it on the dance floor (check out the Warriors-esque music video and Warriors-esque makeover). That would be "I Got You Dancin" with its Autotune verses and Thrillerback beats. The other side is a rapping Lily Allen, insecure, outcasted, unsure, dorky, and only too apprehensive of the screw-ups she's bound to make. That would be the The Cure sampling Ting Tings sounding bouncy "So Human". Which side do you prefer? I've already taken my pick.
Hazim. Out.
DOWNLOAD LINK: Lady Sovereign-I Got You Dancing
Lady Sovereign-So Human

Lady Sovereign - I Got You Dancing



Lady Sovereign - So Human

album reviewed: kelly clarkson-all i ever wanted

hazim and the new asymptotes
ARTIST: Kelly Clarkson
ALBUM: All I Ever Wanted
RATING: OO1/2
hey. hazim here...again in a while. Haha... haven't posted much in a three month gap. So I'm busy with lots of things and I decided that I'd post links to albums you could download or single tracks because laziness has become me and seeing as hundreds of other bloggers can do it and not get caught, why not join the party. I'd sure hate to be an artist with me existing...haha. Anyways, this the fourth album from the original American Idol pining for a comeback by reurning to the crackle and pop sound of her second album by getting Swedish hitmaker Max Martin on board.
WHAT'S GOOD: Well, honestly, these songs are all solid pop numbers. The lead single "My Life Would Suck Without You", while still a shameless retread to "Since U Been Gone", is still hooky and catchy like Bird Flu times 2. There's a reason why it made that 97 to number one Billboard Hot 100 jump. People who didn't really like My December's somber emo Evanescence-ish mood and attitude were clamouring for the return of the old Kelly. They get their wish with Breakaway part 2. Less brooding, Kelly's conflicts and powerhouse voice still manage to steal the show as on "Don't Let Me Stop You" and "Longshot" where synths and electronic bleeps ripple underneath giving the guitars a subtle push.
WHAT'S NOT SO GOOD: My December was a determined step to break away than Breakaway ever was and it could have meant a PJ Harvey-like album than Breakaway ever was. Kelly says she was inspired by Garbage, but the only hint of Shirley Manson's influence is "Whyuwannabringmedown" which has Kelly trying out for American Idol semifinals once again amateurishly (can't you tell it's horrible by the title?) and Kelly DOES NOT need to pick Katy Perry's leftovers as she does on "I Do Not Hook Up". Going through the album, you can almost hear grasping at straws for some Breakaway-ish chart success and judging by her latest number one, she might get her wish but at the cost of her credibility, retreating back to well-trodden grounds. Really, Kelly...(shakes head). Oh and the ballds are soggier now.
SOOOO0....: The voice is still there, thank god. Not many pop stars can belt like Kelly, but the basic plodding of the electronic beats dilate both her voice and the spunky determined attitude she often showed on her last two albums. It's predictable pop. Dependable like an old dog. First verse. Chorus.Second Verse. Chorus. Verse. Chorus to fade. But like she sings on "All I Ever Wanted", " we've all been here before..."
THERE'S THIS SONG I LIKE: "Already Gone" "Don't Let Me Stop You"
DOWNLOAD LINK: http://rapidshare.com/files/201792123/09kcaiew.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/201794456/09kcaiew.part2.rar

hazim's 103 totally most awesomest songs of 2008!

hazim and the new asymptotes
hey. hazim here...again. The end of the year is coming, and I love looking back on the year and thinking of the things I've achieved. So not much for this year. I also love lists. So I decided to use the copious amount of time I had in my hands to conjure up my top 103 songs for this year. Yep. This year. The year in which the long gestating Chinese Democracy came out to no fanfare. he year in which Beyonce finally released a bad album. The year in which be your own pet disbanded and New Kids On The Block reunited. Some things were good (the Saturdays, Rachael Yamagata), some were bad (High School Musical 3, Taylor Swift) and some things were just plain disappointing (Sugababes, Beyonce). But these are my picks for the best. HAZIM's best. That's what's important. Let's go.

1: Telekinesis-Imaginary Friend//Telekinesis

Harmonies like The Beatles. Vocals like the kind Jason Mraz would die for (he overdoes things sooo much). Who really cares if my number one hasn't officially released this song? Micheal Benjamin Lerner seems to like singing in this manner-sunny, smiley, chirpy. But with a knowing wink as he recalls a childhood friend. And while you're busy wondering if there's a deeper hidden meaning beneath "when we got older, we went our seperate ways, and everything got hard", he just doesn't seem to care. That might be why it's no longer on his MySpace page and there's no way you can get it off the internet now. Well, I have it. Hahahaha...LISTEN HERE

2: Santogold-L.E.S Artistes//Santogold

M.I.A suddenly broke out on the charts with last year’s “Paper Planes” storming the charts entering the top 5. Her best friend Santogold just stepped back and straddled the line between mainstream big choruses and underground unpredictability. The cream of her crop is “Artistes”, a march in which she trots out words like leading a horse into battle. Sounds like she designed it for a Nike Ad. But I doubt this M.I.A with melody will ever sell out.LISTEN HERE

3: The Hold Steady-Constructive Summer//Stay Positive

Harmonies like The Beatles. Vocals like the kind Jason Mraz would die for (he overdoes things sooo much). Who really cares if my number one hasn't officially released this song? Micheal Benjamin Lerner seems to like singing in this manner-sunny, smiley, chirpy. But with a knowing wink as he recalls a childhood friend. And while you're busy wondering if there's a deeper hidden meaning beneath "when we got older, we went our seperate ways, and everything got hard", he just doesn't seem to care. That might be why it's no longer on his MySpace page and there's no way you can get it off the internet now. Well, I have it. Hahahaha...LISTEN HERE

3: Estelle feat. Kanye West-American Boy//Shine

British born Estelle has been around on the musc scene longer than most people would think. So if a Best New Artist nomination comes her way in the future, it's right to cry foul. But she's never recorded something as refreshing and funny as the bouncy "American Boy". It's mostly in part due to the presence of producer and guest rapper Kanye West who drops crucial verses and almost steals the show.LISTEN HERE

5: Goldfrapp-A&E//The Seventh Tree

Extreme makeovers don't get as startling as this. Goldfrap's sudden shift from glitter ball glam disco to subdued simplicity took everyone by surprise when this track leaked. Fans thought it could not possibly be that Allison Goldfrapp had traded in her dancing shoes for moccasins, but this transfer was smooth and natural, like the airy way she exhales her words and the her vulnerability glimmering as if she's never recorded a song about sex before..LISTEN HERE

6: Diplo & Santogold-Icarus// Top Ranking: A Diplo Dub

The strings start off the 2 minute song, then Santogold starts her Turkish-like chirping, half Turkish-like chanting, half whisper, and the beat stays steady. Then M.I.A falls over.LISTEN HERE

7: Cut Copy-Lights And Music//In Ghost Colours

Australia's Cut Copy punted an album full of breathtaking dance electro pop you could play on the radio and bob your head along in the car on the way back from the club. This is the mantle piece that is the kind of pop you dream Portishead would try and make sometime when they're not busy moping. The chorus draws you in and Dan Whitford suggestively sings "tell me what you want, for your birthday" and the fact that this song is used in the Fifa video game doesn't hurt its coolness factor either.LISTEN HERE

8: Damien Jurado-Sheets//Caught In The Trees

Bitter love songs don't get much more bitter than "Sheets". Damien Jurado's most gut wrenching work of art off Caught In The Trees blows over like a Damien Rice who's skipped way too many therapy sessions and has been living in solitary confinement for way too long. He plods along, wailing like an injured animal, the steady beat puncturing his yelps. And while he's recounting the fact that he's on the same sheets is ex cheated in, the song exhausts itself. Anger never sounded so sad.LISTEN HERE

9: The Streets-The Escapist//Everything Is Borrowed

Few rappers even come close to copping Mike Skinner's sharp tipped tongue full of intellectual whip and the power of observation (Lupe Fiasco comes close I guess, but he's not exactly white. Give him a few years though). This track off Everything Is Borrowed floats on with a chorus drawing inspiration from inspiration itself to lift you higher...higer...like gospel, if it were hip and white. Eminem. Take notes. LISTEN HERE

10: Of Montreal-ID Engager//Skeletal Lamping

Kevin Barnes sounds like a pervert actually. But even perverts have a place in this world. And he and his band who are totally not from Montreal at all lace tenth on this list with their version of what a high pitched riddled dance floor burner should sound like. You can imagine the roller skates. And the flirty girls with feathered hair. And Donna Summers bobbing her head along. Sh'es still alive now so she's probabaly doing it....LISTEN HERE

11: Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown-No Air//Jordin Sparks
In which two of teen pop's most prominent stars of 2008 run out of oxygen and balloon this duet with as much drama as their teenage lungs can suffice. LISTEN HERE

12: Shugo Tokumaru-Parachute//Exit
Japan's shoegazing samurai dreams of a holiday and chirps the word like he's high on sushi over beats that skip like rocks on water. LISTEN HERE

13: Fleet Foxes-Ragged Wood//Fleet Foxes
Another beautiful track serenade courtesy of music historians who aren't really foxes.. LISTEN HERE

14: Annuals-Such Fun//Such Fun
LISTEN HERE

15: Dar Williams-It's Alright//Promised Land
Sheryl Crow with a personality, Dorothy Snowden Williams tries to reassure herself that it's...alright. LISTEN HERE

16: Damien Jurado-Go First//Caught In The Trees
. LISTEN HERE

17: The Saturdays-Up//Chasing Lights
Down with Sugababes. Out with Girls Aloud. And up with color coded The Saturdays, the best British girl group named after a day of the week. LISTEN HERE

18: Isl;and-Creeper//Arm's Way

The guitars talk and tiptoe like some Pink Panther episode. And he whispers like someone's really in the house, and he's there holding a knife or crowbar ready to strike, cold sweat, in anticipation.

19: Young Jeezy-Circulate//The Recession
Over big band horns and clashing drums, Jay Jenkins reveals his inner Obama for some political sniping, trading verses with an unknown falsetto. LISTEN HERE

20: Rachael Yamagata-Sidedish Friend//Elephants...Teeth Sinking Into Heart
Missus of Misery gets all snarly and bares her teeth on her most aggressive track to date, about friends too embarrassing to hang out with in public. LISTEN HERE

21: Deerhoof-Numina O//Offend Maggie
LISTEN HERE

22: Lindsay Lohan-Bossy//Spirit In The Dark
In between getting mauled by the paparazzi, derailing her father, and snogging Samantha Ronson, Ms. lohan found time to declare her supremacy and dominance in the bedroom over a vibrater of a beat-penned no less by NeYo. LISTEN HERE

23: Human Highway-What World//Moody Motorcycle
In which the Islands' singer contemplates about rotten food and asks for your permission to borrow your feelings on this plodding pop number about misunderstanding.
LISTEN HERE

24: Frightened Rabbit-The Modern Leper//
It plucks slowly in the beginning..sounding harmless at first, then Scott Hutchinson starts this wretched gut wrenching about cripples and how, anyone in the world, could ever love him. The ultimate anthem for insecurity. LISTEN HERE

25: Okkervil River-Pop Lie//The Stand Ins
With impeccable vocals, and a chorus more contagious than chicken pox, Okkervil River make like toned up kaiser Chiefs singing about men and lies. You know you're lying if you sing along..... LISTEN HERE

26: Conor Oberst-I Don't Want To Die (In A Hospital)//Conor Oberst
Indie pop's skinny poster boy uses his scarily thin arms to pluck his guitar along to this track never to be played in the surgery room.
. LISTEN HERE

27: The Veronicas-Untouched//Hook Me Up
Over a jittery anxious electronic-driven beat and some monstrous violin sawing, Australia's premier pop star twins get all la-la-la-Lust. LISTEN HERE

28: N.E.R.D-Spaz//Seeing Sounds

Pharell finally comes to his sense and comes together with N.E.R.D to release Seeing Sounds, fresher and funkier than their last. The highlight is Spaz-. In which Pharell gets all Beastie Boy-ish over loping bass and percussion.

29: Goldfrapp-Happiness//The Seventh Tree
Copy catting Patrick Wolf for their music video doesn't stop this song from being a melancholic treat that sounds like strawberry weed.. LISTEN HERE

30: Solange Knowles-Sandcastle Disco
While big Sis was busy battling an identity crisis, little sister Solange delves deeper into her own quirky world and carves out a crackling joint about castles made of disco. LISTEN HERE

31: Black Kids-I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance//PartyTraumatic
LISTEN HERE

32: Lil Wayne-A Milli//The Carter III
The word "A Milli" being repeated approximately 12i423478623894234 times serves as the foundation for this further celebration of Lil Wayne's weirdness and further proof that life is unfair. This should have topped the charts-not "Lollipop"..LISTEN HERE

33: Death Cab For Cutie-I Will Posses Your Heart//Narrow Stairs
Ben Gibbard borrows Alex Kapranos' dancing shoes for some foot tapping moaning with melody-about a girl who won't spend time with him.LISTEN HERE

34: Santogold-Lights Out//Santogold
2008's best breakout does a Tegan & Sara song better than Tegan & Sara ever did..LISTEN HERE

35: Fujiya & Miyagi-Knickerbocker//Lightbulbs
Featuring dance music's most oddball couple not named Danger Mouse or Cee-Lo, comes a thud thumping shake 'em track about ice cream sprinkled with ridiculous rhymes ("Knickerbocker rhymed with a dead former child star) and a spastic spare vocal delivery of a cherry on top. And the way 'vanilla, strawberry, knickerbocker glory" is repeated again and again is ridiculous, but sooo hypnotic.

36: Portishead-Machine Gun//Third
Queen of Gloom Beth Gibbons tumbles over their lead single like she's in a dark cellar with no sunlight. No sunlight at all.. LISTEN HERE

37: Gabriella Cilmi-Swet About Me//
Australia's less nasty, less haired version of Am,y Winehouse gets her weave on with a warning to boys that there's nothing sweet about her-despite the fact that she looks like an avid Hello Kitty merchandise collector. LISTEN HERE

38: Love Is All-Rumours//A Hundred Things Keep Me Up At Night
LISTEN HERE

39: Pivot=Pursue//O Soundtrack My Heart
.LISTEN HERE

40: Amadou & Mariam-Sabali//Welcome To Mali
.LISTEN HERE

41: All American Rejects-Gives ou Hell//When The World Comes Down
Tyson Ritter ditches and disses a girl with his messagl-don't mess with famous people. They will write Billboard hits about how much you suck.LISTEN HERE

42: Chairlift-Evident Utensil//Does You Inspire You?
The most common writing stationery gets its shine on from a pop outfit who can't tell whether they're really singing about a pencil or if there's a hidden metaphor hidden beneath.LISTEN HERE

43: Pussycat Dolls-When I Grow Up//Doll Domination

A failure of a solo album. A flop of a reality show. Reveling in their own shallowness, the girls, that is Nicole and some other women who look like men, grind and bump on the perfect anthem for all the shallow girls who want to be famous and like to post pictures up on their MySpace and spend everyday pretending that they're wanted just beause they have 10000000 'friends' on their friend list.

44: Ra Ra Riot-Ghost Under Rocks//The Rhumb Line
Although the music sometimes verges on sounding something close to 30 Seconds To Mars, Ra Ra Riot manage to march it and turn it into something Travis could be, if they never got their heads checked LISTEN HERE

45: Vivian Girls-Such A Joke//Vivian Girls
Laugh all you want, but once the drum beats drop and the guitars start pounding your eardrums, you realize that you miss The Vines' old good days and that they're the next best thing. And the joke is on you. LISTEN HERE

46: Jenny Lewis-Acid Tongue//Acid Tongue
Leaving Rilo Kiley and The Watson Twins behind for a second solo outing, Miss Lewis sheds her good girl image in favor for some nasty business. LISTEN HERE

47: Tilly And The Wall-Pot Kettle Black..//o
.LISTEN HERE

48: Drive By Argument-Sex Lines Are Expensive Comedy//Drive By Argument
.LISTEN HERE

49: Juana Molina-Un Dia//Un Dia
.LISTEN HERE

50: Little Jackie-The World Should Revolve Around Me//The Stoop
Imani Coppola's latest attempt at recapturing fame has her teaming with a boy toy and demanding that everyone panders to her preferences. Too bad the charts didn't bey her.LISTEN HERE

51: Hercules & Love Affair-Blind//Hercules & Love Affair

Over pulsating throbbing disco Kylie would be proud to whine over, Hercules & Love Affair make like cabaret singers in a disco full of people looking for the one to be the one.

52: Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson-Sweetest Waste f Time//Rattlin' Bones
LISTEN HERE

53: Attic Lights-Walkie Talkie//Friday Night Lights
. LISTEN HERE

54: Antony & The Johnsons-Another World//Another World EP
LISTEN HERE

55: Beyonce-Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)// I Am...Sasha Fierce
Miss B flaunts her ring and her chops for drama and bombast on this bouncy married girl power anthem
.LISTEN HERE

56: Kanye West-Heartless/808s and Heartbreak
The biggest ego in the galaxy discovers it takes Auto Tune and some messy emotions to realize that he IS after all, human.
.LISTEN HERE

57: My Brightest Diamond-Ice And The Storm//A Thousand Shark's Teeth
.LISTEN HERE

58: Max Tundra-Will Get Fooled Again//Parallax Error Beheads You
.LISTEN HERE

59: Mogwai-BatCat//The Hawk Is Howling
.LISTEN HERE

60: Bloc Party-Mercury//Intimacy
.LISTEN HERE

61: Bon Iver-Skinny Love//For Emma, Forever Ago
.LISTEN HERE

62: be your own pet-Super Soaked//Get Awkward
Teenage punk darlings turn fizzy and get wet, speeding up the guitars to match Jemina Pearl’s heated yelps. They may be broken up now but it was great while it lasted.LISTEN HERE

63: Abe Vigoda-Skeleton//Skeleton
LISTEN HERE

64: Blitzen Trapper-Furr//Furr
.LISTEN HERE

65: Britney Spears-Womanizer//Circus
She’s not bald. The abs are toned again. And her annoyingly catchy song featuring a repetitive chorus in which the word “Womanizer” is repeated 9 times goes straight to number one. Britney;s back bitch!LISTEN HERE

66: Parenthetical Girls-Young Eucharists//Entanglement
.LISTEN HERE

67: Meiko-Boys With Girlfriends//Meiko
Sunny breathy guitar twanging lament about the problem with boys from a singer songwriter who could teach sloshy wannabe Colbie Caillait a thing or two-about singing and songwriting
.LISTEN HERE

68: Ashlee Simpson-Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)//Bittersweet World
Mrs. Wentz gets experimental with Gwen style weirdness and 80s Cyndie Lauper stutter pop. Surfaces with a dance song so hollow it’s fun. This earned her some credibility. Then she had a baby named Mowgli..LISTEN HERE

69: Counting Crows-You Can't Count On Me//Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings
.LISTEN HERE

70: Jack White & Alicia Keys-Another Way To Die//OST Quantum Of Solace
Sure, the movie was aces ore terrible than Die Another Day, but that doesn’t stop the King of Weird garage Rock to build up a wall of noise even the queen of Piano Driven Power R&B can’t shout down.

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71:Eliza Carthy-Two Tears//Dreams Of Breathing Underwater
LISTEN HERE

72: Kry-Murder
MySpace unknown makes like drugged up lauryn Hill high on revenge and strawberry weed, with a message-if she can't have him, no one can. LISTEN HERE

73: Duffy-Warwick Avenue//Rockferry
The best thing from Wales since….I don’t know-cries her heart out over simple subtle plucky Norah Jones-esque blues and soul
LISTEN HERE

74: Matthew Sweet-Burn Through Love//Sunshine Lies
.LISTEN HERE

75: Los Campesinos!-We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed//We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed
.LISTEN HERE

76: Lykke Li-Dance Dance Dance/Youth Novels
Over what sounds like drumsticks clicking, the Jewel voiced Swede channels her inner Feist discovering that "she was a dancer all along" over see-sawing violins.LISTEN HERE

77: Brazilian Girls-Good Times//New York City
Imani Coppola's latest attempt at recapturing fame has her teaming with a boy toy and demanding that everyone panders to her preferences. Too bad the charts didn't bey her.LISTEN HERE

78: The Last Shadow Puppets-All My Mistakes Were Made For You//The Age Of Understatement
Alex Turner ditches his fellow monkeys and teams up with The Rascals’ Miles Kane to chalk up a storming ode to love.Love their ridiculously thick British accents and love their hair. Love their Travis-sounding guitar strumming and vocals. And when it comes to razor sharp observant lyrics, only Bob Dylan could light a candle to the Turner.

79:TV On The Radio-Halfway Home// Dear Science
LISTEN HERE

80: Aimee Mann-
Laugh all you want, but once the drum beats drop and the guitars start pounding your eardrums, you realize that you miss The Vines' old good days and that they're the next best thing. And the joke is on you. LISTEN HERE

81: TV On The Radio-Crying//Dear Science
LISTEN HERE

82: Grace Jones-Devil In My Life//Hurricane
Queen of sexual fierce gets contemplative, records the theme song for THe Weather Channel. .LISTEN HERE

83: Flying Lotus-Golden Diva//Los Angeles
When Steven Ellison produces, he serves his clients well. When he dons the Flying Lotus cape, he’s uninhibited and unhinged, especially in his sampling of electronic hooks. It’s like Alka-seltzer and cereal, “Golden Diva” thunders on. You can’t understand what’s going on, but you know it’s remarkable.

84:Cats In Paris-Foxes//Courtcase 2000
They're not cats. They're not from France. But they make great unpredictable gleaming crackling pop-tronica. LISTEN HERE

85:Katy Perry-Hot N Cold//One Of The Boys
Bloggers' staple and the success breakout story of the year kisses girls, thinks you're so gay, and here on this Cher inspired power pop cherry, gets all hot..and cold. LISTEN HERE

86: Sonya Kitchell-Soldier's Lament//This Storm
LISTEN HERE

87: Metro Station-Shake It//Metro Station
Proof that being related to Miley Cyrus doesn't always mean you have to put out crappy undanceable music.LISTEN HERE

88:Hot Chip-Ready For The Floor//Made In The Dark LISTEN HERE

89:Keane-Spiraling//Perfect Symmetry
Who knew Tom Chaplin had dancing shoes, a glitter ball, and a fetish for new wave over piano hiding in his closet? LISTEN HERE

90: Fleet Foxes-White Winter Hymnal//Fleet Foxes
Beautifully sung by Robin Pecknold. Beautifully strung along by the band from Seattle. Beautifully arranged. Never mind that the lyrics are dark and a bit seething. This song is just beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Like you’re stranded on a glacier on a mountain in Alaska. It’s bleak, but everything, the scenery, the soundscape is just so…beautiful

91:Dido-Grafton Street//Safe Trip Home
Brian Eno carves out some spare tribal beats and his trademark orchestral backdrop to help Dido serenade her deceased father with a six minute shrine featuring...a recorder solo. LISTEN HERE
92:My Morning Jacket-I'm Amazed//Evil Urges
. LISTEN HERE

93: Coldplay-Viva La Vida//Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
Appl'es father may or may not have copped this from Satriani for the best Coldplay track since "Yellow" but no one can deny he sings his "I Am The Greatest" vocals better than Satriani ever could. LISTEN HERE

94: Juliana Hatfield-My Baby...//How To Walk Away
Blake Babies' old but still good Juliana Hatfield gets infected with the blues and twangs along to an ode to...les enfants? .LISTEN HERE

95:High Places-The Storm//The Storm
LISTEN HERE

96:Marnie Stem-Prime//This Is It & I Am It & So Is That & He Is It & She Is It & It Is It & That Is That
Featuring the best cheerleading chant of 2008 and an ADD affected pop sprite spitting it. LISTEN HERE

97: will.i.am-It's A New Day//Songs About Girls
The Black Eyed Pea tones down the clumsy lines for some celebration. The message? Obama is here. Have no fear. LISTEN HERE

98: The Ting Tings-Shut Up And Let Me Go//We Started Nothing
Britain's noisiest new duo have a seizure and Katie White gets all pouty and pretty about a break up. Check the Matrix brain drain music video. LISTEN HERE

99:Cold War Kids-Mexican Dog//Loyalty To Loyalty
The opening note fools you into thinking that they have produced another "Hang Me Up To Dry", but then as Nathan Willet injects his signature yelping with more snark and the music switches between a lost James Bond theme and a piano paddled strut, you realize "Mexican Dog" is a whole new animal. LISTEN HERE

100:Lady Gaga feat. Colbie O-Donnis & Akon-Just Dance//The Fame
A love song to her own sluttiness and shallowness, Lady Gaga teams up with teen humper Akon for this club banger, glorifying the moment when you're so drunk you've lost your phone, you're turning your shirt inside out, and you don't remember what club you're in. LISTEN HERE

101: Madonna-Miles Away//Hard Candy

In 2008 Madge returned with Timbaland/Lake in tow and the sour Hard Candy. As cool as Timbaland's so called futuristic soundscapes were on the likes of Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake, they were as complimentary with Madonna as grape jelly and caviar. This track however showed Madonna's heart peeking through its hard cold cage to find an insecure Madonna tried of her long distance relationship. The fact that she split with Guy Ritchie the Bitchie (I couldn't help it) only makes this more genuine.

102:The Faint-The Geeks Were Right//
Good Charlotte tried to go the dance route on their last album, but their inability to envelop whatever cool factor they had saw them punt out another poor selling album full of flops. But The Faint show them how to do it right, accompanied by a dizzy nauseating music video not designed for schizophrenics.
LISTEN HERE

103:Sigur Ros-Gobbledigook//
The two best things from Iceland are Bjork and Sigur Ros. And one of them released a great album this year. While it's not a blatant attempt at mainstream success, the song comes pretty close with its 3 minute radio ready length to the bouncy melody, Sigur Ros have never sounded more radio friendly (albeit in another language) and they're all the better for it. Next up, an ad campaign with Nivea. LISTEN HERE